The conflict between mothers and daughters in law is not new. Though this might not be the case everywhere, but it is still not uncommon.
The idea of discord with mother in law has been publicized to the verge of belief. But what lies behind these issues?
Ownership Issues
A bride comes to stay with her new family after marriage. If there already is an adult female member in the family, it sometimes causes issues.
The home adorned by a woman is her identity. She has her own values involved in making the home that reflects her qualities.
The bride wants to have a share in the house. Even the ceremony of ‘Grahpravesh’ signifies that she is the lady of the house now. But the mother who has been nurturing the house since the beginning won’t give away so easy.
Attention of the Husband/Son
A son for his mother is the outgrowth of her endeavours and emotional attachment. When she hands him over to a new girl, insecurities begin to develop. She does not want to lose her influence on him.
The wife on the other hand expects 100% involvement from her husband. She needs him for her and her children’s security and sensual attachment. She does not want the diversion of his attention away from her.
Thus, there is struggle for attention of the son/husband between the two.
Generation Gap
The difference in thoughts and perceptions due to age difference might impact relationships. This is not the case with just mothers and daughters in law. But it sometimes affects relationships as intimate as that of parents and children. This might lead to misunderstandings and tensions in relationships.
How to Create a Pleasant Relationship
Daughters in law do respect and love mothers in law. It is just the psychological differences that put them apart. These are not personal but personality conflicts which can be overcome.
- Both the mother and daughter in law should try to put themselves in each other’s position.
- Both should consider the difference in each other’s outlooks due to generation gap.
- Any negative prejudices about the relationship should be shaken away.
- Egos spoil any relationship. Care and compassion for each other can create a beautiful bond.
- Give things time. Time is the biggest healer. Differences if any tend to settle down as in time.
- Have respect for each other’s views and opinions.
- Underneath differences there is love. It’s just that faults become more visible in everyday life. There are faults in everyone. Focus on qualities and overlook the mistakes.
Daughter and mother in law problems are not problems at all. Living like mothers and daughters is not difficult. It is just about changing perspectives.